June 16, 2011


I suffer from anxiety. Lately I've been feeling like anytime one thing goes wrong, everything is crashing. I couldn't add an FBML page to my new Facebook page. Then it took four tries to send out a recommendation to my Facebook friends and family. Now I'm going to have to wait longer for my copies of my novel to arrive because Canada Post is on strike. Finally, something that is absolutely not my fault (unless I can take responsibility for their benefits package... nope, not my department). It's not the end of the world, it just FEELS like it is. It's an awful feeling and all too familiar to me. I want to hide and scream and cry. I'm afraid to do anything.

I'm trying to work through it, as I often do, but after a while, if I haven't found some relief, I will go back to bed. It's safe there. I just wind up regretting the fact that I wasted the day. That leads to hating myself. So I'll beat myself up for the rest of the day, go to bed angry and if I'm unlucky, do the same thing the next day. I've ridden these cycles for years. Sometimes they're harder to break than others. I count on my husband to talk me down from the ledge, or out of bed. He reminds me that I haven't ruined my daughter's life, that my book will sell just as well next week as this week, that life goes on and a few hours consoling myself is a small price.

I love my husband.

I've been on a few different medications to help me deal with my depression and anxiety, and usually they work. When they don't, I know. Usually very quickly.
Not sure why I'm sharing this with all of you, except that I know there are quite a few who suffer with me. Is stress getting the better of you? How do you cope? Where do you turn?

No comments:

Post a Comment